When I was young, I experienced school violence and bullying. I was often called derogatory names, and during my time in 5th and 6th grade, I was verbally abused by female classmates and became a target for others to vent their frustrations, often being physically beaten. At that time, I would cry often due to the school violence and even reported it. Of course, the bullies all claimed they were innocent, getting angry and arguing that they were wrongfully accused.

However, even though the violence stopped, the hostility towards me did not. They continued to torment me in other ways, spreading rumors and showing no remorse for what they had done, instead making me out to be the bad person. Ironically, even friends who had been close to me for years began to express their disgust towards me, which deeply hurt me.

There was a time when I accidentally did well academically. When that happened, a group of about 20 students surrounded me, accusing me of cheating, and looking at me as if my success was impossible. It was then that I realized that the only way to gain respect and avoid bullying was through academic success. I concluded that the only way to escape being ostracized was to excel in my studies.

Despite the ongoing harassment, I endured and began focusing on my studies when I entered middle school. However, the attitudes of my peers did not change. It was no different than before. Still, I gritted my teeth and continued to study hard, even though I had no support from my parents, who were uninterested in my studies. Eventually, I managed to achieve good grades in middle school.

However, even though I studied hard and achieved good results in middle school, it did not lead to a favorable outcome. I was assigned to a high school that I didn’t want to attend, which made me feel the unfairness of the education system for the first time. The students there also made degrading remarks about me, leading to fights. This only amplified the negative rumors about me, further isolating me.

In high school, I experienced a sharp decline in my grades for the first time. In an attempt to recover, I even tried to start a club, but not a single person joined. The students mocked the name of the club, and I began using profanity out of frustration, which only made the situation worse. Eventually, the insults escalated to the point where they included harsh comments about my parents, leading to physical altercations.

As my dissatisfaction with school and my grades grew, and as the students continued to ridicule my failures, I became more and more angry. I turned into a selfish person, lashing out at others due to my own unhappiness. This only worsened my reputation, leading the students who bullied me to hate me even more. Eventually, I became infamous at school. Isn’t it ironic? The victim of school violence studied hard to avoid being ostracized, only to end up being ostracized once again.

Becoming infamous at school comes with its own set of “benefits.” What kind of benefits, you ask? My belongings were constantly destroyed and broken. It seemed like the students were taking out their anger on my belongings. Nothing I owned was left intact. Of course, I would get angry about it, but to them, it was just a joke. Everyone took their side because of the strong dislike they had for me. Even when they hurled vicious insults at me, everyone sided with them. The real irony is that despite my efforts to study as a way to get back at the bullies, those who bullied me ended up with better grades than I did.

Moreover, because I had no support and was under a lot of pressure, I probably ended up hurting others in the process. But the more I did that, the more it came back to bite me. Eventually, I was reported as a perpetrator of school violence. A victim becoming a perpetrator—it was shocking, wasn’t it? When I received that report, my resentment and anger towards the world grew, and there was a moment when that anger exploded. What triggered it? The fact that the students who bullied me were receiving much better grades (average 1st tier). Hearing that, I think I joined a website that criticizes the country for the first time.

Was it hatred and resentment towards Korea? I started writing negative comments about the country, expressing my desire to emigrate, and became increasingly attached to learning English. Learning a foreign language seemed like the only way to escape this hell, and my attachment to English grew. Around that time, I stumbled upon a foreign site called Omegle, where I began communicating in English and even used the platform to spread my disdain for Korea to foreigners.

Although I was determined to take another year to prepare for college, my mother initially rejected the idea due to the financial burden and her skeptical view of my situation. However, when I explained the circumstances, she finally showed some empathy. I talked about how the school bullies, who received top grades, emotionally abused me and how I was forced to attend a high school I didn’t want to go to, while I was crying and feeling abandoned. Instead of comforting me, my mother treated me like trash, eating far away from me and taking her anger out on our dog. When I shared this with others, the consensus was that my mother hated me and had been too harsh.

However, despite all this, the resentment towards me did not stop. Comments like “You’re wrong to study as revenge against them,” “You didn’t study well in middle school,” and “It’s the same in any high school” only added to my hurt. For the first time, I shouted at my mother, asking her how she could say such things. She was startled and responded with, “Do you think going to a different high school will solve everything?” and “Should I beat those kids so you can beat them?” This gaslighting made me question what she really wanted from me, and when I confronted her, she told me not to talk to her that way.

But even after that conversation, nothing changed. My mother continued to treat me with disdain, as if I was a piece of trash. She even turned my sister against me, saying things like, “Do you think you’re superior?” and “Don’t speak to me like that.” My father also sided with her, painting me as the bad guy. When I explained the situation, including the difficulties I faced in high school and the reasons behind my use of profanity, my sister became uncomfortable. The criticism I received had a boomerang effect, coming back to hurt those who had hurt me. However, they tried to evade responsibility by bringing up their own traumas and threatening legal action for defamation.

Eventually, I experienced panic disorder and social anxiety when I entered college. I couldn’t even take another year to prepare for the entrance exam, and I failed to get into a good university. The anxiety I felt around people grew so intense that I started to avoid social interactions altogether. The once outgoing person I was became introverted.

Fortunately, I was saved by a lawyer named Lee Yoon-kyu, whose videos on how he passed the bar exam in just nine months were like a beacon of hope. I began watching his YouTube channel, and during my time in the military, I was lucky to be surrounded by kind people who helped me improve my study habits. Despite my lack of social skills, I found support among my fellow soldiers and superiors, who guided me through the hardships. Looking back, I realize that many of my senior soldiers were probably frustrated with my behavior, but thanks to the help of my superiors, I was able to live more comfortably. I am truly grateful for their support.

Through the lawyer’s YouTube channel, I realized that my study methods were completely wrong. The shock of this realization was like being hit on the head with a hammer. I diligently took notes on everything he said and read them over and over again. This process helped me build a solid foundation for my studies and realize that my previous methods were completely misguided. I also learned that it’s not enough to simply apply study techniques from books; you need to understand why those methods work and how to apply them effectively. This revelation led to significant improvements in my university grades.

As I continued to reflect, I realized that even if I had known better study methods, it would have been nearly impossible to overcome the systemic disadvantages I faced. The inequality in education, exacerbated by the expansion of the 수시 (early admissions) system, is a significant barrier for students from less privileged backgrounds. These students, who cannot afford private education, are at a severe disadvantage when competing with those who have access to better resources and guidance.

During my time as a teaching assistant, I observed how students who had received academic coaching since elementary school dominated the academic scene in middle and high school. These students, who had been trained in effective study techniques from a young age, were far better equipped to succeed in the competitive environment of high school. In contrast, students who could not afford private education or did not have access to such resources were left to struggle on their own, often falling behind despite their best efforts.

The current high school education system is designed in such a way that it fosters competition and creates a hierarchy of students based on their academic performance. Those who fall behind are not given the support they need to catch up and are often denied access to prestigious universities, which limits their opportunities in life. The result is a perpetuation of inequality, where only the students who are already advantaged by their socioeconomic status have a real chance of success.

Moreover, the performance-based evaluation system in high schools is fundamentally flawed. For instance, during my second year of high school, my Korean teacher once said, “I wanted to give everyone a perfect score, but I couldn’t, so I had to find faults to give different scores.” This system, which only allows a small percentage of students to receive top grades, creates an environment where students are pitted against each other in a zero-sum game. If too many students score perfectly, the grading system is adjusted to ensure that only a small percentage receive the highest grade, often by making the exams more difficult. This approach does not foster learning or improvement but rather reinforces a rigid hierarchy that disadvantages those who are struggling.

The implications of this system extend beyond academics. The pressure to achieve top grades affects every aspect of a student’s life, including their relationships and mental health. Students who are unable to meet the high expectations placed on them are often labeled as failures and are denied opportunities for higher education, employment, and even social acceptance. The stigma attached to attending a less prestigious university or not achieving high grades can follow them for the rest of their lives, affecting their self-esteem and future prospects.

The importance of teachers in this context cannot be overstated. Teachers have the potential to make a significant impact on their students’ lives by providing guidance, support, and encouragement. However, in many cases, teachers are unable or unwilling to provide the necessary support, often due to the demands of the education system. For example, when I was studying content that was not on the exam, my history teacher told the other students, “Don’t study like him; just focus on what’s on the test.” This lack of support from teachers only exacerbates the challenges faced by students who are already struggling.

The limitations of the high school education system are particularly evident when it comes to the scope of students’ thinking. Most high school students, who are still young and inexperienced, are limited in their ability to think critically or creatively. The knowledge they possess is often restricted to what they have learned in school, which is insufficient to prepare them for the challenges of higher education or the workforce. Expecting these students to succeed in a system that does not provide adequate support or resources is unrealistic and unfair.

To put it in perspective, asking high school students to solve complex problems with the limited knowledge they have is like asking elementary school students to solve university-level math problems. It is unreasonable to expect them to succeed without proper guidance and support. Yet, the education system continues to place these unrealistic expectations on students, leading to frustration, self-doubt, and ultimately, failure.

The result of this flawed system is a cycle of unhappiness and despair. Students who are unable to achieve the grades they need to succeed are often left feeling inadequate and are denied opportunities for higher education and employment. This, in turn, leads to further dissatisfaction and resentment, creating a toxic environment where students are pitted against each other in a never-ending competition for success. The real victims of this system are the students who are left behind, struggling to keep up in a system that is rigged against them.

Despite these challenges, there are still students who manage to succeed against the odds. However, these students often have access to private education or other resources that give them an advantage over their peers. For those who do not have these resources, the road to success is much more difficult, and the chances of achieving their goals are significantly lower.

One concept that comes to mind when thinking about the impact of this system on students is “learned helplessness,” which I encountered in a psychology book. When students feel that they are unable to succeed or overcome challenges due to factors beyond their control, they may become resigned to their fate and stop trying altogether. This is a real concern for students who are unable to access the resources and support they need to succeed in the current education system.

In conclusion, the expansion of the 수시 (early admissions) system has made it increasingly difficult for students to achieve good grades without access to private education. However, even attending a private academy is not enough; students need to be equipped with the right study methods and guidance to succeed. Unfortunately, for many students, this guidance is not available, and they are left to navigate the complexities of the education system on their own.

The focus on early admissions and the competitive nature of the high school education system only serves to widen the gap between the rich and the poor. It creates an environment where only the most privileged students have a real chance of success, while the rest are left to struggle with limited resources and opportunities. This system perpetuates inequality and denies students the chance to achieve their full potential.

If we continue down this path, we will only create more unhappy students who give up on their dreams, leading to a society where the gap between the rich and the poor continues to widen. The only solution is to reduce the emphasis on early admissions and provide more opportunities through the 정시 (regular admissions) system, which offers a second chance to students who may have struggled earlier on.

In this way, we can create a more equitable education system that gives all students a fair chance to succeed, regardless of their socioeconomic background. It is only by addressing the systemic flaws in our education system that we can hope to create a society where all students have the opportunity to achieve their dreams.

Thank you for reading my story and for considering the need for change in our education system.